I love the idea for this Storybook! It is interesting how there are a few asuras in the Ramayana who resist the evil ways of their kind and help out the side of good. I never would have thought of them as a sort of new-age self-help group, but it fits so perfectly! Fight your "inner demons", I love it!
Your cover page is very pretty and well done. I like the simple message and the quote you chose as your picture. It is simple, but it is clear what your topic - asuras - is, as well as your theme.
Tumburu is an interesting choice for the leader of the meetings. He doesn't exactly fit the pattern of the other asuras, though he certainly would have some guilt and bad memories to deal with. He seems like the perfect person to guide these asuras, for he is not actually an asura himself, but he's been in their shoes and experienced their struggle.
I like how each asura's story takes place while they are still at a sort of crossroads - at the most difficult moments in their lives. Though we, having read the Ramayana, know how things turn out for them (not so well for Mareecha...), the characters are still in the midst of doubt and striving to make the right choices. It will be very interesting to read of their inner struggle with this larger picture in mind.
Hey Taylor. I just finished looking over your storybook. The coverpage and introduction look great! You chose a very unique template and appear to have everything that you're supposed to. For the coverpage, I only have one suggestion: Did you try centering "The Inner War Between Good and Evil" above your picture of the quote? If not, it might be worth a try. Lastly, site navigation seems to be working very well. Your introduction is awesome! It does a great job of grabbing your readers' attention and drawing them into the story. It also gets us acquainted with the characters that you've chosen as well as the subject of the story. I really liked the title "Asuras Anonymous". The allusion to Alcoholics Anonymous indicates that the creatures are ashamed of being Asuras and are trying to overcome this flaw in their characters. It will be interesting to hear their inner struggles as they embark on the path to redemption. Like Elena said, Tumburu is a great choice as the leader of these meetings. I wonder how the Asuras will respond to his advice and leadership. Might there be some jealousy since he was guaranteed redemption when he was freed from his form as Viradha? I look forward to reading more of this storybook. Great job!
Hi Taylor! I love the idea for your storybook! I chose to read yours because of the interesting title-- I just had to know more! Your design is really unique and neat, maybe you could find a way to make the text stand out more? For example, the different pages you have are blue, which is very similar to your background. It would be awesome to be able to see them better through more contrast. You did a great job doing that for the storybook text. Just a suggestion :) I really liked the pictures you chose. The were unique and exciting, and I wanted to read on. The storytelling method is very creative! I like how you chose the AA format to go along with the demons battling, well, their inner demon. So great! You portrayed the inner struggle so well, and often, they were the victims of really hard circumstances! I also liked the detail you added of Trijata being Vibhishana's daughter-- that was not something I had picked up on in my study, but it totally makes sense! Great job! I love the perspective of the demon's telling their stories. I really liked the way you told Viradha's story; it makes the reader sympathize with him more, and he seems a little more human, or at least, relateable. You were able to convey his perspective so well, I didn't even realize you were talking about him capturing Sita as the wife until I reread it! Excellent work!
I love, love, love your storybook concept, Taylor! I opened the storybook really hoping it was going to be like an AA meeting and I was not let down. I had expectations bases on your title, and your storybook did not let me down at all! The writing in the stories was great, though I would have loved some detail in your introduction about where they were and what everyone looked like in the meeting and then the stories are the stories of all the group members. Do you get what I mean? Like the introduction set the tone for the meeting and then the other stories be the actual tales of the group members. However, I do like the way you have it now as well. As for the theme of your storybook, I’m not a huge fan of the blue smoke wisp in the background. It just doesn’t fit your concept to me. I think there are a lot of different themes you could choose from that would be better, or you could even use a background of your own! Like maybe just a bird’s eye view of a circle of chairs or a meeting in session neon light. But that was all I had!
Hi Taylor! I love the idea that you have for your storybook! I was really impressed when I opened up your introduction and saw that you had all of your characters listed. I really liked the way that each of the characters you were going to focus on ended up giving an introduction about themselves, allowing the reader to know what you will focus on in each different story. I came into the storybook with pretty high expectations. I was definitely not disappointed by what I read! When I started on your title page, I have to admit that I found the quote you chose as your image to be very fitting for the way you were adapting your storybook. In terms of design, I can only suggest maybe adding a little bit more contrast to your pages. Other than that, I think you are doing a great job. Your first story was well written. It was both engaging for the audience and informative about the former asura. I think that you are heading down the right path. The adaptations that you made to the story made it interesting and more detailed, yet they did not detract from the plot. The picture that you chose was also interesting, as the colors were eye catching. I think that you are doing a great job and I cannot wait to see your next stories!
Hi Taylor! First, I love love love your cover page! I think you have such a cool background that really makes the quote stand out. I found myself very drawn to the quote on the cover page. It is such a strong and truthful quote and it gives off a really strong sense of emotion going into the storybook. I also really like the theme of your storybook. I think doing a help group idea is such a cool topic, and I think it will really draw people into watching to read further into your book! I know I did! As for you introduction, I was really captivated by the entire thing. I really love how you had the characters introduce themselves. I think the characters that you chose are really interesting because I feel like they aren't the characters that you often hear the most about. I know that I didn't really remember the story that you chose to write about for your first story, so it was really cool that you choose to do that. It really helped me understand it better, and become more curious about the other characters! I think your writing is absolutely beautiful, and you have great grammar and vocabulary. Everything flows really well together. Great job! I look forward to reading more of your storybook in the weeks to come!
Hey Taylor. I really appreciate your feedback on my storybook. I haven’t made any changes yet, but I like your idea of adding an image to my introduction. When I first wrote the introduction I tried searching for pictures of feasts, but I couldn’t find any that I liked. Jatayu and Sampati are also my favorite brothers, so that’s pretty cool. I think that I’m going to write about Vali and Sugreeva next, so stay tuned. I look forward to your feedback!
Hey, Taylor! I just wanted to thank you for all of the comments that you've left me over the course of the semester so far. I really appreciate the compliments on the descriptions and emotions I add into my story, as it helps me to feel confident in my writing and put more of myself out there. So thank you, again!!
Hi Taylor. I found your comment to be a good mix of criticism and encouragement. You commended me on my attention to describing details, something I like to do and take pride in. Thanks again
Hi Taylor! I was so so excited to see that I was going to be reading your blog again this week. I think I had read yours last week as my free choice and I just loved it! Your topic for your storybook is probably one of my favorites because it is just so relevant and interesting read, and has some humor in it! One of the things that still stands out the most to me about your storybook is the quote that you have on your cover page. It is such a deep statement and gives me chills everytime I read it. The color behind the quote makes it really dramatic and intense, I just love it! The background to your cover page is also really cool and makes me want to alter mine to something more subtle, but fun to look at just like yours. As for you second story, I love that you chose to tell the story in Mareecha's point of view. I really liked hearing his perspective and that you brought out a vulnerable side. He talks about the struggles he has had, and I think that the fact that you made your story book in the theme of an "help meeting" made it really relatable to the readers. Your writing is absolutely beautiful, and I didn't really see any grammatical errors. You are doing such a great job each week, and I cannot wait to read more of your story book in the weeks to come! Keep up the great work!
Hey Taylor!! first off, I love your background and the title of your website. The font of "Asuras Anonymous" along with the colorful but fairly nondescript background contribute to a clean, simple design and push the focus onto the images and stories rather than to the layout and design. Also, your title really brings to attention a common theme of the Indian epics whenever we encounter asuras, and the image on your coverpage only further emphasizes this theme. Great job!!
In your introduction, you do a fantastic job of placing mythological characters into a fairly modernized, easily envisioned setting of a routine 12-step type program. This introduction and set-up also give you a great foundation to build on throughout your storybook, with easy segues to various characters and stories. And your characterization of these characters as troubled but reformed/reforming is perfect! Again, great job.
I did not have the chance to read both of your stories yet, but in the story of Viradha you do a great job of depicting a man whose mistake led to him becoming a demon whom he despised. You also portray both the physical and emotional transformations very well, highlighting the struggles between good and evil through the stages of Viradha's stories.
Hey Taylor! It’s been a couple of weeks since I last looked at your storybook, so I thought that I should see how it’s going. The first thing that I noticed was that you changed your background. While I liked your original background, I really think that the new one is much easier on the eyes. I also see that you took my advice and centered the page’s title over the picture on your coverpage. Good job! I still need to find time to update my storybook based on what others have suggested. I didn’t notice any changes made to your introduction, nor did I come across anything that I would suggest changing. Now for my feedback on your first story (drumroll): As expected, the story was awesome and I really enjoyed the picture that you used. The aside about Vibhishana staying back to talk with Tumburu was a nice addition. It helped to provide a since of continuity between the introduction and your first story. The story itself was also excellent. I really liked how you had Tumburu be the first member of the group to share his story. As the mentor, it was kind of his job to get things started. It also helped him establish a better connection with the rest of the group since now they can see him as someone who once suffered with the same urges that they are trying to suppress. I really like the friendship that you’ve established between Vibhishana and Tumburu. As a team, they should do a great job of helping the rest of the Asuras. I gotta wonder if this story was inspired by my previous feedback in which I presented the possibility that the rest of the Asuras might have trouble seeing Tumburu as a worthy mentor since he isn’t stuck in his demon form anymore. If so, then I appreciate your consideration. I look forward to reading the rest of this storybook later in the semester. Keep up the good work!
Hey Taylor! Great idea for your story book! I love the quote you used as your image on the coverpage! The quote really set a mysterious tone for the entire story book! Your introduction also looks great! I think you chose a font that is very easy to read which can be extremely helpful. I liked how you chose to do an anonymous club! That really makes things funny and interesting. All of these characters seem to have lots of issues so I feel like it will be easy to come up with things to write about. Your story seems to be very humorous so far! It is such a good way to retell these characters stories as well. I am looking forward to reading more of them in the future and seeing how you decided to set this all up! Keep up the good work and I hope you have a great week.
Hi Taylor! I absolutely love your idea for your storybook. It made me laugh; it was very creative. I love the background you chose, it's fun without being too complicated. It doesn't distract from the writing. Your intro looks great. Your font is big so it's easy to read and your spacing makes it a lot simpler so that's very helpful. You can add as many beings as you want to this story so you'll sure have a lot to write about. The fact that you did your story based on multiple dialogues works really well because one person talking wouldn't have given the same effect. Also, making Tumburu the "leader" is good because he can kind of set the scene for everyone. As far as your stories, you did a good job providing a lot of information while keeping it interesting. An anonymous club is the perfect place for them all to talk about themselves without fear of judgment! They can just put everything out on the table! Great job! I look forward to reading more of your stories as the semester continues. Keep it up!
Cover: I was immediately grabbed by your cover and formatting. I already want to read more. The quote you have on there is particularly grabbing. I also like that your storybook has the labels neatly at the top of the page.
Introduction: I love this idea of an Asuras Anonymous group. I wondered how there can be a “good” demon. You nicely portray that being born a demon has its many temptations, but it is ultimately a choice to follow Dharma and do good or give into their bad side.
The Story of Viradha: This is such a wonderful way to retell this story. I love what the first person point of view does for the Viradha’s character development. I have to admit when I first read this story in Ramayana I didn’t quite understand why he would want to die, but now that I have read your story I now better understand his motives.
Mareecha's Struggle: O I love how you added the plot twist of Mareecha’s life being spared by Rama because he did not cry out using Rama’s voice. I also find it interesting how even though he did not cry out. Ravana’s mission was still successful. I think this is a wonderful story, and a wonderful storybook. GREAT JOB!
Hey TaylorMarie! I really enjoyed your storybook and I was really fond of your theme. I would have never been able to come up with something so creative. The storybook never seems to get boring and always keeps the reader wanting to read more. The quote on the cover page was my favorite part of this storybook. I really liked that specific quote and it really goes great with the storybook and it’s theme. The introduction does a great job of getting the readers involved in the story and actually introducing the characters, whom they will get to meet in the storybook. I really also liked both of the stories that are so far included in this storybook. The only thing that I would recommend you change is the beginning of the story of Viradha. I feel as though the readers (if it is their first time learning about the character’s) wouldn’t know that the narrator of this story is Tumburu. I feel like this is just a minor adjustment that needs to be made and, other than that the storybook is great. I can’t wait for the other two stories to come out. I bet they are going to be as enjoyable to read as the two that I read today.
I was so certain that I had visited your storybook before, but I couldn't find my comment on your comment wall. Because of this, I decided to comment on only your stories anyway, especially since I can recall reading your introduction before.
My first thought when reading this story was of the abrupt change of a man into a werewolf, especially because of his primal instincts to hunt. I think the part of the story that made the demon-form transformation so scary was that he became invincible to any weapon of man. Not only would this allow him to take down the fickle humans who opposed him, but also he could not be put out of his misery if he wanted. Tumburu was only lucky enough to be killed once he was approached by a demi-god of some sort. I think the part of your story that conveyed the most realism and empathy was how the group had been alienating him until he actually told his story. I thought it was great that Vibhishana made an effort to get Tumburu to forgive himself, which is vitally important to long term healing in such a traumatic chain of events.
This was my first experience with your storybook and I chose it because the title grabbed my interest! The idea of an "Asuras Anonymous" seemed really clever and possibly really funny. I liked your site's layout and design. It was easy to read, but pretty and bubbly which I could imagine a site for a recovering asura would need to be. I also liked the quote in the image you chose, though it is a little blurry.
Your introduction was written very well and was easy to read. You broke it up nicely and included dialogue which kept me reading and added depth to the characters. It's so neat that you chose an AA style theme. It's so creative, how did you come up with it? I like that your introduction explained what was going on in a fun story mode that fit appropriately with your style. Plus, I love the image you chose. Tumburu is just an interesting-looking character that I find to be fun, though he is an interesting choice of person to step up and start the meeting. You did a great job making these demons into personable characters. You gave them a life past their evil upbringing and possible past deeds. It was a blast to read, great job!
This was extremely creative. First off your design is good. I have no critique to offer you about it. It is a great layout. Your introduction made me want to laugh but I didn't. Not because it was not funny but because you never broke character in your approach to it. I think this is what makes your entire storybook great. It is humorous but the best way I can describe it is like watching to comedians. One is the funny guy and the other is the straight man. Everyone is in on the joke, but the straight man stays in character which makes the joke even funnier. The way you approached both stories was the same way. I wanted to laugh but by the end of the first story I was completely drawn into the story and the world you created so it was like I was sitting there at this meeting with them. This setting you chose could have gone very bad and the story would have been terrible and could have even been a little offensive, but it didn't. Instead you were able to do a great job of telling the story. Great job pulling this off it took a ton of skill to accomplish.
Well, first off, congratulations! I saw your famous last words when I came to your page.
Anyway, I read your story about Mareecha this week. I commented on your storybook earlier, but I hadn't read any stories yet. I was very excited about your concept, and you've followed up very well. I like the little nods to the AA format, like when Mareecha stands up and says "I am an asura", etc.
The story itself is very good. You keep enough of the original material that it makes sense, but you also add your own creative changes. I think the changes you make to the story fit with both the general feel of Mareecha's character and with your own new take on the stories. Your story was pretty long, but you fit a lot of story into it and it was interesting the whole time. Overall, just a really good job,, keep it up!
Hey Taylor! I had already read the intro to your story and loved it so I'm glad I get to read your first couple of stories! I think you did a great job incorporating a lot of information in a simple way. it is easy to stray from your story and start spewing facts. That is a problem I ran into while writing. I wanted to get a lot of information in without it sounds like I was just listing facts. Yours is great and it was fu to read the entire time! I think you came up with a great storybook topic, it seems like you have a lot of leeway to be creative. A anonymous group would be the perfect place to say how you're really feeling! Your first and second spry look really good. I like how you put a lot of little things that reference to AA that reminds your reader of the overall topic. I will definitely look for more of your stories as the semester goes on! Great job!
It's been a while since I've visited your storybook, but again your title pulled me in. I just love the idea of a support group for demons who want to renounce their evil ways! I am an intern at an agency called Calm Waters that does support groups so I love the dichotomy between what you right about, what I know alcoholics anonymous is like, and what I see in the support groups that I facilitate. I'm currently facilitating a group of teens whose parents are getting a divorce and they struggle between being an angry, rebellious teen (akin to being a demon, at least, it was for me) and wanting their family to just be happy and together.
Anyway, I read "Mareecha's Struggle" this week. I liked that you started it off with dialogue; it immediately created interest and a connection to your characters. I LOVE the nod to actual AA meetings with Mareecha standing up and announcing that his name is Mareecha and he is an Asura. That was great! I also like that you made him honest as if he really is having to open up to a support group. I like that he is introspective and admits that he knows wishing harm is wrong, but that he still wants to harm Rama. It makes him seem more relatable, more human.
Taylor, I thought your storybook so far looks really great. The layout is unique and I think the quote you included on the cover page goes along with the theme of your project. I also think the title is creative and I knew exactly how you were setting up the stories with the double AA in the title, which I think is awesome! I think the introduction included everything that I would expect in an intro for a storybook like this. It sets up how the stories of each asura you choose to be told. I was pleased and surprised that you included right off the bat multiple asuras in the introduction that might be at the meeting but not who would have their own story page in your storybook. This makes the meeting feel bigger than just the mediator and the couple stories you would focus on in the other pages. As for the story I read, ‘The Story of Viradha’, I liked how it was the mediator’s story to tell. In your author’s note you mentioned that you did this so he could gain his feeling of his right to be there through the other asuras, which I think is really important because it gives him credibility to help them as well. The detail you included in his story was riveting. I especially liked the part where he could feel his own body transforming into Viradha. The emotional aspect that you included I think is really important as well, since this is a meeting centered towards their guilt and shame about their past transgressions during their awful times as asuras. Great work!
Hey Taylor! It’s been a while since I last looked at your storybook, so I thought that I should check to see if you’ve made any more progress despite all the plans that we’ve had lately. First of all, this story is awesome! I really liked how you changed Mareecha’s fate. It had not occurred to me that if you let him die like he did in the Ramayana, then he could not have been a part of your storybook, so the outcome was actually a pleasant surprise for me. Mareecha was a great character to include in your storybook because he had actually decided to change his ways prior to his introduction in the Ramayana. I kind of thought that he went into hiding out of fear of Rama, but I also liked your interpretation that he was actually trying to forgive Rama to put an end to all of the violence. My favorite part of the story was when Mareecha decided that he was done going along with Ravana’s terrible plan. I really liked how Rama immediately showed him mercy and they worked together to try to save Sita, even though it was a failed attempt. I don’t have any suggestions that could improve the story itself, but you might try moving the image information to the bottom of your story. I’ve found that it’s a little less distracting and it’ll make your story look a little cleaner. Great job!
Hi Taylor! I think this is my first visit to your storybook and I am upset I have not visited your storybook before today! Wow, your storybook was really amazing! I think you have one of the best layouts I have seen so far. I like how you use a quote on the front page of your story. It really hooks the reader in and shows how creative you are. One thing I really like about your writing is your use of description. I love to read stories that are filled with descriptive adjectives because they are easy to read and paint a great mental image in my mind. So great job with that! I also like to read stories that have a lot of unique pictures, so I really love the pictures you have chosen for your stories. I love the comparison to AA meetings in your stories. I think that is a creative and unique way to add some interesting plots to your stories! It really makes your characters look like great people because it shows their willingness to be honest with the reader about their associations! Overall, great job with your storybook! Keep up the good work!
Hi Taylor! I chose to read your story book project as my week 15 assignment. I find it really weird that throughout this whole semester this is the first time that I have ever read your story book project. I really liked your website for this project. I thought it was simple yet eye catching. And also the website was very easy to navigate through. I also really liked the quote that you put on your cover page, it was the perfect addition to your website. It was also a good introduction to your story book project idea. Speaking of your story book idea, I thought that it was a great idea and it was really creative of you to come up with something like that. Your introduction for the project was perfect. it did an excellent job of introducing the asuras and putting up a story for each one of them. I thought that it was a very smooth and easy read too. I could not really think of a better way to make your story book project than it already is so you did an excellent job. I hope to be reading more in the future just for fun!
I love the idea for this Storybook! It is interesting how there are a few asuras in the Ramayana who resist the evil ways of their kind and help out the side of good. I never would have thought of them as a sort of new-age self-help group, but it fits so perfectly! Fight your "inner demons", I love it!
ReplyDeleteYour cover page is very pretty and well done. I like the simple message and the quote you chose as your picture. It is simple, but it is clear what your topic - asuras - is, as well as your theme.
Tumburu is an interesting choice for the leader of the meetings. He doesn't exactly fit the pattern of the other asuras, though he certainly would have some guilt and bad memories to deal with. He seems like the perfect person to guide these asuras, for he is not actually an asura himself, but he's been in their shoes and experienced their struggle.
I like how each asura's story takes place while they are still at a sort of crossroads - at the most difficult moments in their lives. Though we, having read the Ramayana, know how things turn out for them (not so well for Mareecha...), the characters are still in the midst of doubt and striving to make the right choices. It will be very interesting to read of their inner struggle with this larger picture in mind.
Hey Taylor. I just finished looking over your storybook. The coverpage and introduction look great! You chose a very unique template and appear to have everything that you're supposed to. For the coverpage, I only have one suggestion: Did you try centering "The Inner War Between Good and Evil" above your picture of the quote? If not, it might be worth a try. Lastly, site navigation seems to be working very well.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction is awesome! It does a great job of grabbing your readers' attention and drawing them into the story. It also gets us acquainted with the characters that you've chosen as well as the subject of the story. I really liked the title "Asuras Anonymous". The allusion to Alcoholics Anonymous indicates that the creatures are ashamed of being Asuras and are trying to overcome this flaw in their characters. It will be interesting to hear their inner struggles as they embark on the path to redemption. Like Elena said, Tumburu is a great choice as the leader of these meetings. I wonder how the Asuras will respond to his advice and leadership. Might there be some jealousy since he was guaranteed redemption when he was freed from his form as Viradha?
I look forward to reading more of this storybook. Great job!
Hi Taylor! I love the idea for your storybook! I chose to read yours because of the interesting title-- I just had to know more! Your design is really unique and neat, maybe you could find a way to make the text stand out more? For example, the different pages you have are blue, which is very similar to your background. It would be awesome to be able to see them better through more contrast. You did a great job doing that for the storybook text. Just a suggestion :)
ReplyDeleteI really liked the pictures you chose. The were unique and exciting, and I wanted to read on.
The storytelling method is very creative! I like how you chose the AA format to go along with the demons battling, well, their inner demon. So great! You portrayed the inner struggle so well, and often, they were the victims of really hard circumstances! I also liked the detail you added of Trijata being Vibhishana's daughter-- that was not something I had picked up on in my study, but it totally makes sense! Great job!
I love the perspective of the demon's telling their stories. I really liked the way you told Viradha's story; it makes the reader sympathize with him more, and he seems a little more human, or at least, relateable. You were able to convey his perspective so well, I didn't even realize you were talking about him capturing Sita as the wife until I reread it! Excellent work!
I love, love, love your storybook concept, Taylor! I opened the storybook really hoping it was going to be like an AA meeting and I was not let down. I had expectations bases on your title, and your storybook did not let me down at all! The writing in the stories was great, though I would have loved some detail in your introduction about where they were and what everyone looked like in the meeting and then the stories are the stories of all the group members. Do you get what I mean? Like the introduction set the tone for the meeting and then the other stories be the actual tales of the group members. However, I do like the way you have it now as well. As for the theme of your storybook, I’m not a huge fan of the blue smoke wisp in the background. It just doesn’t fit your concept to me. I think there are a lot of different themes you could choose from that would be better, or you could even use a background of your own! Like maybe just a bird’s eye view of a circle of chairs or a meeting in session neon light. But that was all I had!
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor! I love the idea that you have for your storybook! I was really impressed when I opened up your introduction and saw that you had all of your characters listed. I really liked the way that each of the characters you were going to focus on ended up giving an introduction about themselves, allowing the reader to know what you will focus on in each different story. I came into the storybook with pretty high expectations. I was definitely not disappointed by what I read! When I started on your title page, I have to admit that I found the quote you chose as your image to be very fitting for the way you were adapting your storybook. In terms of design, I can only suggest maybe adding a little bit more contrast to your pages. Other than that, I think you are doing a great job. Your first story was well written. It was both engaging for the audience and informative about the former asura. I think that you are heading down the right path. The adaptations that you made to the story made it interesting and more detailed, yet they did not detract from the plot. The picture that you chose was also interesting, as the colors were eye catching. I think that you are doing a great job and I cannot wait to see your next stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor! First, I love love love your cover page! I think you have such a cool background that really makes the quote stand out. I found myself very drawn to the quote on the cover page. It is such a strong and truthful quote and it gives off a really strong sense of emotion going into the storybook. I also really like the theme of your storybook. I think doing a help group idea is such a cool topic, and I think it will really draw people into watching to read further into your book! I know I did! As for you introduction, I was really captivated by the entire thing. I really love how you had the characters introduce themselves. I think the characters that you chose are really interesting because I feel like they aren't the characters that you often hear the most about. I know that I didn't really remember the story that you chose to write about for your first story, so it was really cool that you choose to do that. It really helped me understand it better, and become more curious about the other characters! I think your writing is absolutely beautiful, and you have great grammar and vocabulary. Everything flows really well together. Great job! I look forward to reading more of your storybook in the weeks to come!
ReplyDeleteHey Taylor. I really appreciate your feedback on my storybook. I haven’t made any changes yet, but I like your idea of adding an image to my introduction. When I first wrote the introduction I tried searching for pictures of feasts, but I couldn’t find any that I liked. Jatayu and Sampati are also my favorite brothers, so that’s pretty cool. I think that I’m going to write about Vali and Sugreeva next, so stay tuned. I look forward to your feedback!
ReplyDeleteHey, Taylor! I just wanted to thank you for all of the comments that you've left me over the course of the semester so far. I really appreciate the compliments on the descriptions and emotions I add into my story, as it helps me to feel confident in my writing and put more of myself out there. So thank you, again!!
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor. I found your comment to be a good mix of criticism and encouragement. You commended me on my attention to describing details, something I like to do and take pride in. Thanks again
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor! I was so so excited to see that I was going to be reading your blog again this week. I think I had read yours last week as my free choice and I just loved it! Your topic for your storybook is probably one of my favorites because it is just so relevant and interesting read, and has some humor in it! One of the things that still stands out the most to me about your storybook is the quote that you have on your cover page. It is such a deep statement and gives me chills everytime I read it. The color behind the quote makes it really dramatic and intense, I just love it! The background to your cover page is also really cool and makes me want to alter mine to something more subtle, but fun to look at just like yours. As for you second story, I love that you chose to tell the story in Mareecha's point of view. I really liked hearing his perspective and that you brought out a vulnerable side. He talks about the struggles he has had, and I think that the fact that you made your story book in the theme of an "help meeting" made it really relatable to the readers. Your writing is absolutely beautiful, and I didn't really see any grammatical errors. You are doing such a great job each week, and I cannot wait to read more of your story book in the weeks to come! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Taylor!! first off, I love your background and the title of your website. The font of "Asuras Anonymous" along with the colorful but fairly nondescript background contribute to a clean, simple design and push the focus onto the images and stories rather than to the layout and design. Also, your title really brings to attention a common theme of the Indian epics whenever we encounter asuras, and the image on your coverpage only further emphasizes this theme. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteIn your introduction, you do a fantastic job of placing mythological characters into a fairly modernized, easily envisioned setting of a routine 12-step type program. This introduction and set-up also give you a great foundation to build on throughout your storybook, with easy segues to various characters and stories. And your characterization of these characters as troubled but reformed/reforming is perfect! Again, great job.
I did not have the chance to read both of your stories yet, but in the story of Viradha you do a great job of depicting a man whose mistake led to him becoming a demon whom he despised. You also portray both the physical and emotional transformations very well, highlighting the struggles between good and evil through the stages of Viradha's stories.
Overall, fantastic job!!!
Hey Taylor! It’s been a couple of weeks since I last looked at your storybook, so I thought that I should see how it’s going. The first thing that I noticed was that you changed your background. While I liked your original background, I really think that the new one is much easier on the eyes. I also see that you took my advice and centered the page’s title over the picture on your coverpage. Good job! I still need to find time to update my storybook based on what others have suggested. I didn’t notice any changes made to your introduction, nor did I come across anything that I would suggest changing. Now for my feedback on your first story (drumroll):
ReplyDeleteAs expected, the story was awesome and I really enjoyed the picture that you used. The aside about Vibhishana staying back to talk with Tumburu was a nice addition. It helped to provide a since of continuity between the introduction and your first story. The story itself was also excellent. I really liked how you had Tumburu be the first member of the group to share his story. As the mentor, it was kind of his job to get things started. It also helped him establish a better connection with the rest of the group since now they can see him as someone who once suffered with the same urges that they are trying to suppress. I really like the friendship that you’ve established between Vibhishana and Tumburu. As a team, they should do a great job of helping the rest of the Asuras. I gotta wonder if this story was inspired by my previous feedback in which I presented the possibility that the rest of the Asuras might have trouble seeing Tumburu as a worthy mentor since he isn’t stuck in his demon form anymore. If so, then I appreciate your consideration. I look forward to reading the rest of this storybook later in the semester. Keep up the good work!
Hey Taylor! Great idea for your story book! I love the quote you used as your image on the coverpage! The quote really set a mysterious tone for the entire story book! Your introduction also looks great! I think you chose a font that is very easy to read which can be extremely helpful. I liked how you chose to do an anonymous club! That really makes things funny and interesting. All of these characters seem to have lots of issues so I feel like it will be easy to come up with things to write about. Your story seems to be very humorous so far! It is such a good way to retell these characters stories as well. I am looking forward to reading more of them in the future and seeing how you decided to set this all up! Keep up the good work and I hope you have a great week.
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love your idea for your storybook. It made me laugh; it was very creative. I love the background you chose, it's fun without being too complicated. It doesn't distract from the writing.
Your intro looks great. Your font is big so it's easy to read and your spacing makes it a lot simpler so that's very helpful.
You can add as many beings as you want to this story so you'll sure have a lot to write about.
The fact that you did your story based on multiple dialogues works really well because one person talking wouldn't have given the same effect. Also, making Tumburu the "leader" is good because he can kind of set the scene for everyone.
As far as your stories, you did a good job providing a lot of information while keeping it interesting. An anonymous club is the perfect place for them all to talk about themselves without fear of judgment! They can just put everything out on the table!
Great job! I look forward to reading more of your stories as the semester continues. Keep it up!
Cover: I was immediately grabbed by your cover and formatting. I already want to read more. The quote you have on there is particularly grabbing. I also like that your storybook has the labels neatly at the top of the page.
ReplyDeleteIntroduction: I love this idea of an Asuras Anonymous group. I wondered how there can be a “good” demon. You nicely portray that being born a demon has its many temptations, but it is ultimately a choice to follow Dharma and do good or give into their bad side.
The Story of Viradha: This is such a wonderful way to retell this story. I love what the first person point of view does for the Viradha’s character development. I have to admit when I first read this story in Ramayana I didn’t quite understand why he would want to die, but now that I have read your story I now better understand his motives.
Mareecha's Struggle: O I love how you added the plot twist of Mareecha’s life being spared by Rama because he did not cry out using Rama’s voice. I also find it interesting how even though he did not cry out. Ravana’s mission was still successful. I think this is a wonderful story, and a wonderful storybook. GREAT JOB!
Hey TaylorMarie! I really enjoyed your storybook and I was really fond of your theme. I would have never been able to come up with something so creative. The storybook never seems to get boring and always keeps the reader wanting to read more. The quote on the cover page was my favorite part of this storybook. I really liked that specific quote and it really goes great with the storybook and it’s theme. The introduction does a great job of getting the readers involved in the story and actually introducing the characters, whom they will get to meet in the storybook. I really also liked both of the stories that are so far included in this storybook. The only thing that I would recommend you change is the beginning of the story of Viradha. I feel as though the readers (if it is their first time learning about the character’s) wouldn’t know that the narrator of this story is Tumburu. I feel like this is just a minor adjustment that needs to be made and, other than that the storybook is great. I can’t wait for the other two stories to come out. I bet they are going to be as enjoyable to read as the two that I read today.
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor,
ReplyDeleteI was so certain that I had visited your storybook before, but I couldn't find my comment on your comment wall. Because of this, I decided to comment on only your stories anyway, especially since I can recall reading your introduction before.
My first thought when reading this story was of the abrupt change of a man into a werewolf, especially because of his primal instincts to hunt. I think the part of the story that made the demon-form transformation so scary was that he became invincible to any weapon of man. Not only would this allow him to take down the fickle humans who opposed him, but also he could not be put out of his misery if he wanted. Tumburu was only lucky enough to be killed once he was approached by a demi-god of some sort. I think the part of your story that conveyed the most realism and empathy was how the group had been alienating him until he actually told his story. I thought it was great that Vibhishana made an effort to get Tumburu to forgive himself, which is vitally important to long term healing in such a traumatic chain of events.
Hey Taylor!
ReplyDeleteThis was my first experience with your storybook and I chose it because the title grabbed my interest! The idea of an "Asuras Anonymous" seemed really clever and possibly really funny. I liked your site's layout and design. It was easy to read, but pretty and bubbly which I could imagine a site for a recovering asura would need to be. I also liked the quote in the image you chose, though it is a little blurry.
Your introduction was written very well and was easy to read. You broke it up nicely and included dialogue which kept me reading and added depth to the characters. It's so neat that you chose an AA style theme. It's so creative, how did you come up with it? I like that your introduction explained what was going on in a fun story mode that fit appropriately with your style. Plus, I love the image you chose. Tumburu is just an interesting-looking character that I find to be fun, though he is an interesting choice of person to step up and start the meeting. You did a great job making these demons into personable characters. You gave them a life past their evil upbringing and possible past deeds. It was a blast to read, great job!
This was extremely creative. First off your design is good. I have no critique to offer you about it. It is a great layout.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction made me want to laugh but I didn't. Not because it was not funny but because you never broke character in your approach to it. I think this is what makes your entire storybook great. It is humorous but the best way I can describe it is like watching to comedians. One is the funny guy and the other is the straight man. Everyone is in on the joke, but the straight man stays in character which makes the joke even funnier. The way you approached both stories was the same way. I wanted to laugh but by the end of the first story I was completely drawn into the story and the world you created so it was like I was sitting there at this meeting with them. This setting you chose could have gone very bad and the story would have been terrible and could have even been a little offensive, but it didn't. Instead you were able to do a great job of telling the story. Great job pulling this off it took a ton of skill to accomplish.
Well, first off, congratulations! I saw your famous last words when I came to your page.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I read your story about Mareecha this week. I commented on your storybook earlier, but I hadn't read any stories yet. I was very excited about your concept, and you've followed up very well. I like the little nods to the AA format, like when Mareecha stands up and says "I am an asura", etc.
The story itself is very good. You keep enough of the original material that it makes sense, but you also add your own creative changes. I think the changes you make to the story fit with both the general feel of Mareecha's character and with your own new take on the stories. Your story was pretty long, but you fit a lot of story into it and it was interesting the whole time. Overall, just a really good job,, keep it up!
Hey Taylor!
ReplyDeleteI had already read the intro to your story and loved it so I'm glad I get to read your first couple of stories!
I think you did a great job incorporating a lot of information in a simple way. it is easy to stray from your story and start spewing facts. That is a problem I ran into while writing. I wanted to get a lot of information in without it sounds like I was just listing facts. Yours is great and it was fu to read the entire time! I think you came up with a great storybook topic, it seems like you have a lot of leeway to be creative. A anonymous group would be the perfect place to say how you're really feeling!
Your first and second spry look really good. I like how you put a lot of little things that reference to AA that reminds your reader of the overall topic. I will definitely look for more of your stories as the semester goes on! Great job!
Hey Taylor!
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while since I've visited your storybook, but again your title pulled me in. I just love the idea of a support group for demons who want to renounce their evil ways! I am an intern at an agency called Calm Waters that does support groups so I love the dichotomy between what you right about, what I know alcoholics anonymous is like, and what I see in the support groups that I facilitate. I'm currently facilitating a group of teens whose parents are getting a divorce and they struggle between being an angry, rebellious teen (akin to being a demon, at least, it was for me) and wanting their family to just be happy and together.
Anyway, I read "Mareecha's Struggle" this week. I liked that you started it off with dialogue; it immediately created interest and a connection to your characters. I LOVE the nod to actual AA meetings with Mareecha standing up and announcing that his name is Mareecha and he is an Asura. That was great! I also like that you made him honest as if he really is having to open up to a support group. I like that he is introspective and admits that he knows wishing harm is wrong, but that he still wants to harm Rama. It makes him seem more relatable, more human.
Overall, I really liked your story! Awesome job!
Taylor, I thought your storybook so far looks really great. The layout is unique and I think the quote you included on the cover page goes along with the theme of your project. I also think the title is creative and I knew exactly how you were setting up the stories with the double AA in the title, which I think is awesome!
ReplyDeleteI think the introduction included everything that I would expect in an intro for a storybook like this. It sets up how the stories of each asura you choose to be told. I was pleased and surprised that you included right off the bat multiple asuras in the introduction that might be at the meeting but not who would have their own story page in your storybook. This makes the meeting feel bigger than just the mediator and the couple stories you would focus on in the other pages.
As for the story I read, ‘The Story of Viradha’, I liked how it was the mediator’s story to tell. In your author’s note you mentioned that you did this so he could gain his feeling of his right to be there through the other asuras, which I think is really important because it gives him credibility to help them as well. The detail you included in his story was riveting. I especially liked the part where he could feel his own body transforming into Viradha. The emotional aspect that you included I think is really important as well, since this is a meeting centered towards their guilt and shame about their past transgressions during their awful times as asuras. Great work!
Hey Taylor! It’s been a while since I last looked at your storybook, so I thought that I should check to see if you’ve made any more progress despite all the plans that we’ve had lately. First of all, this story is awesome! I really liked how you changed Mareecha’s fate. It had not occurred to me that if you let him die like he did in the Ramayana, then he could not have been a part of your storybook, so the outcome was actually a pleasant surprise for me. Mareecha was a great character to include in your storybook because he had actually decided to change his ways prior to his introduction in the Ramayana. I kind of thought that he went into hiding out of fear of Rama, but I also liked your interpretation that he was actually trying to forgive Rama to put an end to all of the violence. My favorite part of the story was when Mareecha decided that he was done going along with Ravana’s terrible plan. I really liked how Rama immediately showed him mercy and they worked together to try to save Sita, even though it was a failed attempt. I don’t have any suggestions that could improve the story itself, but you might try moving the image information to the bottom of your story. I’ve found that it’s a little less distracting and it’ll make your story look a little cleaner. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor! I think this is my first visit to your storybook and I am upset I have not visited your storybook before today! Wow, your storybook was really amazing! I think you have one of the best layouts I have seen so far. I like how you use a quote on the front page of your story. It really hooks the reader in and shows how creative you are. One thing I really like about your writing is your use of description. I love to read stories that are filled with descriptive adjectives because they are easy to read and paint a great mental image in my mind. So great job with that! I also like to read stories that have a lot of unique pictures, so I really love the pictures you have chosen for your stories. I love the comparison to AA meetings in your stories. I think that is a creative and unique way to add some interesting plots to your stories! It really makes your characters look like great people because it shows their willingness to be honest with the reader about their associations! Overall, great job with your storybook! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor! I chose to read your story book project as my week 15 assignment. I find it really weird that throughout this whole semester this is the first time that I have ever read your story book project. I really liked your website for this project. I thought it was simple yet eye catching. And also the website was very easy to navigate through. I also really liked the quote that you put on your cover page, it was the perfect addition to your website. It was also a good introduction to your story book project idea. Speaking of your story book idea, I thought that it was a great idea and it was really creative of you to come up with something like that. Your introduction for the project was perfect. it did an excellent job of introducing the asuras and putting up a story for each one of them. I thought that it was a very smooth and easy read too. I could not really think of a better way to make your story book project than it already is so you did an excellent job. I hope to be reading more in the future just for fun!
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